You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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