Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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