what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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