We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I need moral support for this bender
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
