Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
