Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
