we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
