remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
