I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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