Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
