$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize