i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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