I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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