if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
