i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
