If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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