It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
