Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
