I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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