Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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