my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You can't motorboat a personality
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
