Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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