btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize