I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
