what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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