My brain says no but my pants say off.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Its about making memories worth repressing
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
