That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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