I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I deserve this hangover.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
