soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
