when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You need a sexual gate keeper
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
