She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
