ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
well you can't waste a boner
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
