Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
