He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
