Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
