just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
