i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize