He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
