why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
