i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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