i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
