I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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