So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
