I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
