Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize