I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
