So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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