i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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