Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
