Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
