Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
