The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize