"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
