Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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