At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
