yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
