my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
