Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
