not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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