You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
