I understand Curling. That high.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize