So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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