i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
