if i can run in heels then i can drive
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
