I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
