I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
