ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
