I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
