I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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